Eat Me: Want authentic Tibetan? Try the Hawaiian Pork

Sanctus Tibetbar on Hengshan Lu

Let's get together in the name of Tibet.
Let's happy in the Tibetan way.

Such is the philosophy of Shanghai's sparkling new "restaurant and groggery" (that's what it says on the name card!), Sanctus Tibetbar on Hengshan Lu. No complaints there (except a linguistic one: "Let's happy"?). The décor, too, should bring a smile to the face, with great swathes of colourful Tibetan art and wall-hangings splashed about the place.

Less friendly is the food. Shanghaiist has never been to Lhasa, but we're quite sure that you don't get greeted by a buxom islander in a hula skirt handing out fragrant leis. Which makes us wonder how the menu of a Tibetan restaurant can feature "Hawaiian Pork". (Let alone "Cheese and Spinach Grilled Toast"). We didn't order these geographic anomalies, but after sampling the Momos (RMB 25) we wish we had. These pungently wrong dumplings make it clear why Tibet has so many Buddhist monks: when faced with a plate of food like this, a life of abstinence must seem an exhilarating proposition.

It didn't help that our peace of mind was shredded by a group of 30 local adventurers who had gathered at the restaurant for a slideshow of their crappy tour of Yunnan Province, with an over-zealous tour leader belting out boring vignettes through a sound system which was uncharitably cranked to 11. Guys, please: By all means run a loud, dull presentation of a recent trip to southern China, but next time can you do it in the privacy of your own home? Preferably in the linen closet, with a bolt and chain around the door handles.