If you enjoyed last week’s post about Shanghai’s most successful taxi driver, you might want to check out this latest ESWN translation — a Chinese blogger’s spoof of the taxi story. Instead of a Shanghai taxi driver, the main character in this story is a calculating Beijing prostitute. Funny stuff. A sample:
“You calculate. I have to pay 3,000 RMB a month to rent a high-class apartment. In order to put myself in a higher class than other working girls, I spend 1,500 RMB a month on clothing and cosmetics. I need about 1,500 RMB a month for food. I work 22 days a month. On an daily basis basis, isn’t my average daily fixed cost 272.7 RMB?” I was a bit surprised. I have been getting girls for ten years and this is the first time that I heard a working girl compute her costs this way. Previously, the other girls all told me: 300 RMB per trick, or 800 RMB overnight.
“Costs should not be calculated on a per-trick basis. It should be calculated on a time basis. You see, I keep a record each day. I can see the detailed records for each month. I have done a data analysis. The averarge idle time gap between customers is seven hours. If I get someone who wants to have a quickie, then it will take about one hour to earn 100 RMB. That is, each 100 RMB customer takes 8 hours in cost, or 12.5 RMB per hour. This is not making money! If we say that customers who want cold and hot water, full body licking and the anal tongue drill are like meals, then a 100 RMB customer is not even a bite of food. You can only say that this is just a sprinkle of MSG.”
Ah, yes. The anal tongue drill. Good times.