Prophylactics: Not your mother's hair gel

Not unlike theologians of the European middle ages, we've been pondering intractable, almost philosophical problems: For example, is it worse to put prophylactics in your hair or drink water from the Yangtze River?

First, about the hair issue:

A Hangzhou woman, surnamed Wang, found a box of prophylactics [in this story prophylactics means birth control pills] in her daughter's room. The girl, whose anonym is Xiao Wen, is only a senior high school student, so Wang became upset that her daughter might already be having sexual relations. But Xiao Wen told her mother that the prophylactics were only being used as a "miracle shampoo."

Wang must have a good laugh about that with the neighbors: "Late at night, when we heard moaning from the bedroom, we thought she must be with one of those boys that refuses to wear condoms, but it turns out she was just copying the easily orgasmic girls in the shampoo commercials. Imagine our surprise -- kids these days! Haha!"

And what are the girls are hoping to achieve with this miracle shampoo:

"My classmates told me that my hair will grow blacker, faster and smoother when the pills are mixed into ordinary shampoo, and I'd have hair like the models in advertisements."

If Shanghaiist were a social cognitive theorist of mass media, we'd be tempted to write a paper that, although dressed in academic and scientific jargon, would simply argue that commercials turn some people into f*cking morons.

As for the latter, 2.3 billion RMB is being invested in facilities that will increase the amount of drinkable water supplies coming from the Yangtze River. By 2007, Shanghai will increase its intake from the river from 1.3 million cubic meters to a level of 2.18 million cubic meters, thus providing water for about 3 million people residing in Baoshan, Putuo, Zhabei, Yangpu, Hongkou and Pudong districts. Thankfully, there aren't 3 million people drinking the water directly out of the river, or else they might all end up like the X-men, sporting cool powers like becoming invisible.