Check your thermometer and bring your mace

Say it's a balmy 28 degrees Celsius outside at 11 pm in some Chinese city. What, according to experts, should females be most worried about, other than thievish monkeys? The answer (according to the experts) is sexual assault. According to the report, this is when, according to statistics (we think for Beijing only), the greatest number of sexual assault crimes happen. According to the report, at under 18 degrees, there are few incidences of sexual assault, but between 18 and 27 degrees, there's a huge increase, with the numbers peaking at 28 degrees. From 28 to 32 degrees, the numbers decrease, and after 32 degrees, the numbers drop down significantly.

The next part of that report has experts from other fields analyzing this data from their various perspectives. The climate experts say that is has something to do with all those sleeveless shirts and short skirts. The criminal psychology people say that in addition to all those thin and revealing clothes, that men, at this temperature, are more inclined to drink, which increases the "sexual impulse." The medical experts say that there's also a correlation between mood and temperature; higher temperatures just might make you lethargic enough to put off that rape you had planned for another day.

The report also informs us of various things you can do when confronted by a would-be rapist. First, tell them, "Here, just take my money, and I won't report you," while secretly dialling 110 on your phone. Another method is to yell "FIRE!" rather than "SAVE ME!" because not only will that get more people's attention, but it might also confuse the attacker, who might think that you are referring to the fire in in their loins, which would make them think of Lolita -- was it really an allegory of totalitarianism? By that point, the lump in their pants will be gone, and they will no doubt head to Charterhouse books and then to Boonna, where people who look like they read books hang out and do anything but read.

Certainly, our behavior does not conform to these facts. Shanghaiist has been a lifelong northern hemisphere resident, and yet we've been horny since the darkest days of December. Girls in elegant autumn wear and sexy sweaters? They're totally asking for it.

Photo from a*c's Flickr photo page.