Without question, the award for “Comedy News of the Week” goes to … The Cat-Burglar Monkey! Oh he doesn’t burgle cats, it’s just … we’ll let China Daily do the writing:
A Mr Wang found an unexpected guest sneaking around his room and looking through his clothes earlier this morning. As his uninvited guest escaped from the window with a pair of his trousers, Wang realized that it was a monkey, Shanghai Evening Post reported today.
Looking through his clothes. Right. For his style? They continue with several adroit and informative points:
“I thought that it was a child at first, but the figure was only 30 centimeters tall,” Wang said.
We see. Go on …
“When I stood up, it rushed to the window with my trousers. My wife failed to grab it but noticed it had a tail.” Wang said he realized that it was a monkey when it looked back at him after passing through the iron bars on the window.
Right, right. We follow you so far.
Some neighbors said that the monkey may have been searching for food, while Wang suspects that it was trained to steal. He said he locked the window screen before sleeping, so maybe someone opened it and let the monkey in. Wang said there was a similar case last October. His neighbor found clothes missing with certificates and tens of thousands of yuan in it when they woke up in the morning, but all the doors and window were not prized.
Ah! An erudite piece of journalism, featuring no little pathos and a good deal of panache. Just one thing though.
PEOPLE ARE BREEDING AND RAISING MONKEYS AND TRAINING THEM TO STEAL TROUSERS!?!? ARE WE LIVING IN A CARTOON CITY?!!? IS IT ALL JUST A SMOG-INFESTED DREAM?! PINCH ME MOTHER PINCH ME !!!
Um, sorry. This heavy rain tends to build up a lot of rage in the “I just lost my eye-sight thanks to an umbrella wielding bitch” area. In totally monkey-unrelated news, the man with a penchant for primates and small children (allegedly) is in Shanghai. Wait a minute …
(P.S. Sorry about all the italicisation. We’ve been reading a lot of Dan Brown recently.)