Time is running out for Shanghaiist. His wife … (okay, we tried using “Our wife” just then, but there was something not right about it — so we’re going to break The Rule of the First-Person Plural for part of this post). His wife gets back from her long teacher’s holiday tomorrow, and he needs to buy two replacement cactuses for the apartment, quick smart.
The written brief that the wife pinned on the fridge as she left Shanghai four weeks ago (actually, “brief” may not be the apt word) included strict demands not to kill the plants. But somehow this contributor managed it — even the cactuses. How do you kill a cactus? Rather, how do you kill two of them? God only knows. Needless to say, Shanghaiist doesn’t have a great track record with keeping plants alive.
Which brings us to the point of the post. Where does a Plant Killer go in Shanghai to buy fresh victims? Is there a cactus shop on Huaihai Lu? Will this task require a trip into the wilds of Minhang District? Perhaps the readers have some tips.
Shanghaiist editor Dan suggests that the best way to acquire cheap plants in the city is to befriend your neighbours. He claims that the old chap below his apartment hands out shrubbery fairly liberally, if not for free then in exchange for a few empty plastic bottles.
But the clock is ticking. Shanghaiist feels that he doesn’t have the time to establish a friendly rapport with random locals on the street below our kitchen window. He needs plant-life, quickly. It’s like the final minutes of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (which we watched again with great pleasure at the 80s party on Friday night). Obtaining these plants must be done very quickly and cunningly — like one perfectly aimed throw of a baseball at the snore-track on the stereo — so that she’ll never suspect a thing.
Image of Lugu Lake from FinbarB at Flickr.