On Tuesday, the American -ists will be celebrating democracy and hitting the polls, letting politicians know what they really think. It just made us wonder: if it were up to the -ist-a-verse, what would we be voting for?
Londonist votes for better skincare, alternative spaces for art, cute little birds and the men who keep them, and concrete. Lots of concrete.
Shanghaiist votes for one of the Bee Gees and Air Supply (it’s a double-ticket), and along those lines, they’re pro-musicians’ rights. They also vote, twice, for Halloween, and twice again for long motorcycle trips. And who wouldn’t vote for pirates?
Houstonist would consider voting for this candidate if the polls were equipped with Microsoft Word red squiggly lines (and if she wasn’t getting a special kind of endorsement). They vote against leaky swewers at upscale department stores, but Weird Al. Their own governor? Eh.
Chicagoist knows who some folks will be voting for in Tuesday’s election, and also who some folks hope to be voting for two years, plus or minus a few days, from Tuesday’s election. Chicagoist also votes “yes” for the arts: music and drama, specifically (and also how to make the former marketable). They used to be pro-Kanye, but now they’re undecided. Smaller, but no less important, to Chicagoist voters, are postmodernism and basketball.
Torontoist isn’t sure where it stands on Toronto’s mayor, but votes no when it comes to him wearing this shirt. They vote rock… no paper… no, scissors… no, fire, and tell us how a Canadian news source has just McGreevey-ed Doogie Howser, who probably won’t run for office for a long, long time.
Austinist would totally vote for Shane Black if he ran for office. Ditto Amy Sedaris and Broken Social Scene. Also deserving of a vote? Wind. With Whole Foods as its Campaign Manager, how can it be beat?
SFist may have voted for Bill Clinton, once, but now their votes go to Halloween fun. Just not with gun violence.
Sampaist votes for zombies. Plain and simple.
Gothamist votes for dogs’ rights, and against Hitler. If they could, they’d vote for a lower cost of living, an across-the-board recuction in poor taste, and more creative ways to stage a show.
DCist has a full election guide to facilitate your voting. Among the things they’ll be voting for? Beck and late-night munchies. They’re also strongly lobbying against the clueless and the sketchy.
Seattlest votes for First Amendment rights, rather than snitchin’.
Parisist votes for photography, cheap dates, and the right to a peaceful demonstration.
Phillyist is glad that they can’t vote for local university presidents, or the makers of really decadent sex toys. They’d happily vote for making Philadelphia appear better to other people, or Terrell Owens meeting his timely end. On the ballot for renewal: possibly haunted mansions and speeding trains.
Edited and compiled by Jillian Ashley Blair Ivey.
First image doctored from this photo on Gothamist, by Sarah Brown. Subsequent images on Torontoist and DCist.