We’ve all seen those fancy-shmancy bidet/toilet combos from Japanese-brand Toto. Heck, we have even enjoyed using one every once in a while (that seat-warming feature is really nice on a cold winter’s morn). We believe Kelly Chen, the Hong Kong starlet who informed us (via danwei.org) that she trusts her private washing to Toto’s premium bidet technology. But we have always felt that something has been missing from Toto’s tech. After pondering long hours in the library (bathroom), unable to get our thoughts (feces) out, we realised just what it is that Toto lacks.
And in identifying just what it was we are missing, we came across these Lotus brand toilet seats. Finally, a toilet seat with built-in functionality to deliver a healthy water enema when a movement is especially hard to come by. Go ahead, take a look at the video. See how that water shoots in and really loosens things up? Yeah, that’s what Toto is missing—the ability to get up in there and change your whole shit experience. Not that the experience will be shit … it will be great, it’s just you’ll be taking a … er …
We digress. How about those graphics again? Yeah? You like the testimonials? How about Alice Liu, who gives us this personal testament to the Lotus enema seat’s greatness (loosely translated by Shanghaiist):
它可以， 就是那个水柱， 冲到里面去，洗地，反正很干净。那些缠的东西可以下来。我觉得是个便秘的问题了啊，就是经常兜兜痘了很多。 这边，这边， 现在我觉得好很多了。完全，就是，我估计才过一段时间你们再看我，我更漂亮。
It can, I mean the water enema, penetrate up in there and clean, that is, really well. All that clustered and dry stuff just comes right out. I think it’s the constipation that often resulted in tons of zits. Here and here. Now I think I am much better. Totally, that is, I think that after a little while, if you see me again, I’ll be even more beautiful.
So the enema can get in there and clear your zits up? Another bonus of the Lotus that Kelly Chen is missing with her Toto toilet seat (not that she has any visible zits).
Given the 1-877 phone number, the target market for such a product would seem to be American Chinese, especially those American Chinese having a little trouble squeezing one out. But if Lotus brand enema toilets can be found on the mainland, we will track them down (not out of necessity, we swear).
Until we figure this one out, we seem to be stuck with Toto and Kelly Chen. Maybe what we need is a celebrity to step forward and champion the Lotus, as Ms Chen did for Toto. Where are you, Li Yuchun, when we truly need you?
Via Weird Asia News.