Few animals get tabloid coverage of their sex lives splashed across international media like our furry friends the pandas. Their being few is what the fuss is about. And now their enclosures have become Big-Brother-animal-sex episodes where their lack of procreativity is monitored as scientists continue to ply panda eyes and orifices with strategic tactics.
Panda sex labs are coming up with yet more odd behavior—not on the part of the under-sexed pandas, who prefer cuddling to coitus — but rather on the part of the humans in their charge. The panda’s position as an endangered species paired with their apparent lack of libido has driven scientists to increasingly odd measures.
First it was “panda porn”, then live panda porn, then Viagra, then artificial insemination, then electric shocking and administering anesthetics.
Now the situation has reached new levels of absurdity — in The Times (UK) article “China uses panda porn and sexercise to increase population of national icon” reports that they are teaching pandas “sexercises” to strengthen their legs and pelvises in order to make them more fulfilling lovers. And the best part is, they reward the pandas with apples…yes, apples… for each successfully completed sex-yoga workout.
The Times says:
An apple is dangled from a string above the panda, luring it to stand on two legs as it tries to reach the treat. The exercise helps the panda to walk on its rear legs, thus strengthening the pelvic and hip muscles and better equipping it for sex. After pandas succeed in taking the standing-up exercise, we feed them apples to reward them…But the keepers are relying on more than pornography and dangling apples to improve the sexual skills of the panda. One official said: ‘We arrange lovemaking between two excellent pandas in front of inexperienced pandas which have never had sex. It does work.’
Shanghaiist would like to interview anyone involved in the panda sex industry, be it sex therapists, sex yoga personal trainers, porn videographers or porn choreographers. We’re intrigued, so send them to us first if you have connections in the industry.
According to the article, 239 pandas live in captivity within China and another 27 live overseas. Saving the world from panada extinction seems to be an increasingly challenging task.
Stay tuned for tantric panda sex. It will come, even if they won’t.
Read more tabloid-pervy-panda sex stories:
Pandas sent to ‘sexercise’ classes
Sex videos fail to engage pandas
Panda porn exercise appears unbearable
Panda porn pays off
Legless panda needs a hand to improve sex life
Male panda gets too fat for sex, keepers say
Porn cage for sex novice pandas
Porn sparks panda baby boom in China