We love pirates. Eyepatches, peg legs, swashbuckling- you name it, we love it. We even have a soft spot for the Somali pirates, because somewhere deep inside of us, we know that they’re keeping the dream alive. Of course, these days it’s pretty hard to be a pirate, and it’s not as glamorous a lifestyle as it once was. Times have gotten hard: valuable cargo now has military escorts, or avoid the Gulf of Aden altogether. Heck, even Dolphins are getting in the way of your business.
If you want to keep going in the Piracy world, you have to adapt: be more daring! exploit the people more, or just subjugate them! What pirates these days really need is a lesson from…Chinese real estate developers? One of Sina BBS’ most recent hot posts is a letter from a supposed Somali pirate, who’s both inexplicably angry at real estate developers for exploiting the Chinese people and envious of their exploitative tactics.
From Sina BBS:
All of the world governments have attacked the pirate business, and a year’s worth of such hardship has left us struggling for money for porridge. Comparatively, your robbery methods are more advanced, your risk is much lower, and your profits massive. You dare to publicly make fools of the unsuspecting Chinese people every day in the news. Everyone knows you’re a bunch of cheats, but there’s no way to catch you. The media knows you’ve given bribes, used the people, forged names, kidnapped the banks, and threaten the government. I can only wait until you’ve perverted the minds of the benevolent-hearted people who can’t bear to have ordinary people under their control. Rich or Poor, everything is under your control, and this type of meticulous plundering, this spirit of total consumption, should be studied by bandits and thieves all around the world.
We’re pretty positive the last thing on Somali Pirates’ minds is the Chinese real estate market. Still, this is one of the more clever netizen rants we’ve seen in a while: it’s not racist, not blatantly offensive, and pirate related! Usually, sarcasm and satire is lost somewhere in the vast folds of Chinese cyberspace. We would actually enjoy it if more Pirates participated in the online community: I’m sure we could learn a lot from their worldly wisdom, especially when it comes to real estate.