A lot of chattering has been going on about the Google incident over the weekend. In short:
- The US government decided to issue a formal statement of concern over the hack as pressure from Washington builds on other US corporations in China to follow Google’s exit.
- The code hackers used to exploit security holes in Window’s Internet Explorer was released on friday, prompting computer security giant McAfee to state that the security breach was “the largest and most sophisticated cyberattack we have seen in years targeted at specific corporations ” (Wired also has a tech-savvy breakdown of how the hackers hacked google, if you’re interested).
- And finally, since source code was stolen from over 30 Silicon Valley companies, questions have begun to emerge as to whether more was stolen from Google than they first let on.
With all these questions about the future of Google, nay, internet freedom in China, who could possibly know what will happen?
In our time of need, there’s only one person we’d think of turning to: Han Han. And while he’s no internet expert, he’s got a lot to say on the issue: he even drew up a timeline of the next ten years of
human existence the internet and society under the Great Firewall. According to ChinaGeeks, the post was rapidly harmonized by Sina, but EastSouthWestNorth has a translation already. Here are a couple of our favorite predictions:
2010 July: The Elementary School Students Patriotic Committee finds out that the five yellow-colored five-pointed stars on the national flag are inconsistent with contemporary progressive ideas. The relevant department decides to change the five-pointed stars from yellow to red.
2010 August: The government discovers that the red five-pointed stars are the same color as the background, so that it is hard to find them. Representatives of elementary school students propose the five-pointed stars be changed into green color, to represent green scarves and Green Dam.
2011: In the second round of Internet clean-up, all search engines are closed. The major portals and the newspapers publish articles with titles such as “Searching made us lazy people,” “Internet searching seriously detrimental to ability of elementary school students to use their brains” and so on. The leaders say, “we never use Internet searching. The situation today says clearly that Internet search has a hundred bad points and nothing good whatsoever.”
2011: Baidu is acquired by Pepsi Cola and becomes an official beverage website.
2020: Earth is destroyed. The descendants of the Mayans say that it is normal to see a margin of error of plus or minus ten years on such events.
It seems he can only make monthly predictions up to one year: either his newfound clairvoyance hasn’t quite matured, or he got lazy. Then again, we can see these things happening in some not-too-alternate universe, so Han Han’s certainly tapped into something significant. In fact, we bet it would make a pretty good dystopian movie, something like a Chinese version of Idiocracy. One thing’s for sure, though: Han Han has seen 2012 a few too many times.