North Korean assassination plots on defectors have always been in the realm of the elaborate and bizarre, but none compare to the most recent foiled attempt on the life of an enemy of the DPRK. The assassin involved was caught with a gun that fired poison-coated bullets disguised as a flashlight, and projectile-firing fountain pens.
The alleged assassin, known simply as An (an uncannily typical one-syllable assassin name), had arranged to meet and kill Park Sang-Hak, a staunch anti-Pyongyang activist, at a subway station in Seoul.
Fortunately, none of the death devices were employed, as An was apprehended by authorities at the station on September 3rd, after South Korean agents dissuaded Park from attending the potentially-fatal meeting.
An carried two innocous-looking pens, with one that could shoot a knife-like missile and another which harbored a poison-tipped needle, as well as a seemingly mundane black flashlight. The torch, labeled “Police” on the side, had the ability to fire a poison-coated bullet at a range of up to 30 feet.
And if that wasn’t a frightening enough concept, just ten milligrams of the toxin could stop a person’s heart. With all the ridiculously intricate and ostentatious weaponry, one wouldn’t be surprised if An sported a bladed-brimmed hat like his more famous cinematic counterpart, Oddjob.
We hope Park invests in some knife-concealing shoes, since it might not be the last time an assassin makes an attempt on his life. Park’s outspoken activism against the North Korean regime, which includes periodically launching balloons containing anti-Pyongyang letters over the border with other North Korean defectors, ensures that his life will always be in jeopardy.
We personally think that some poison tic-tacs might do the trick. “Oh, these tic-tacs are a little off…they kind of taste like-GUAAGHH!”
By Benjamin Cost