AKB48, basked in ephebophilic glory
By Cal Widdall
In the last week of August over 38,000 hopefuls applied to be members of a new Shanghai-based girl group, overloading the website’s server as it became inundated with people trying to access the competition. SNH48, as the group will be known, are to become the third overseas sister group of J-pop giants and paedophiles’ favourite AKB48.
The original group is named after Akihabara, the area of Tokyo in which they perform each day, hence the SNH for Shanghai. The 64 members’ ages range from early teens to mid-twenties, at which point they are replaced as they ‘graduate‘ to a life of musical flops, bit-part TV roles and incestrual porn (now there’s a hyperlink that’s going to get clicked).
The idea feels like it’s been inevitable for some time now. East Asian countries can’t be considered modern powers until they inflict a huge group of teenagers ‘singing’ monotonous yet catchy pop music on the rest of the world. Preferably while performing drawn-out dance routines with the concentrated expression of someone trying to calculate 1/64 of 5% royalties.