As if the Chinese media’s obsession with shèngnǚ (剩女) or ‘leftover women’ wasn’t creepy and regressive enough already, the Global Times is now advising those “yellowed pearls” to go get themselves a gay best friend. Gay people, they’re just like handbags (the article literally says this)!
Beijing Cream’s Anthony Tao, in a fantastic rant about a recent Times editorial on censorship, dropped this pertinent aside about the paper: “Global Times does good work; however, it gets no respect in wider media circles due to its harebrained editorials that add nothing to any discussion whatsoever.” Tiara Lin’s editorial on how gay people are awesome accessories for your dried up leftover vagina does admittedly add something to the conversation (the conversation being “How awful are the Global Times‘ editorial pages?!”), but is spectacularly, gloriously harebrained nonetheless.
Hey girls! Still can’t find the perfect Mr Right to bring to upcoming Christmas parties? Go and grab a gay man! He is fun, supportive, caring and trustworthy. He is like your stylist handbag, your must-have accessory.
Go and grab a gay man! It doesn’t matter which one because they don’t have personalities or agency, they’re all “fun, supportive, caring and trustworthy”, and apparently super keen to give up their own independent lives to be your accessory.
It is probably at the age of 27 that you don’t really want to be seen alone anywhere. To avoid those pitiful looks, a GBF’s male companionship is all you need. Without the fear of betrayal and getting knocked up, he simply makes your life easier.
Christina Larson and Leta Hong Fincher have both done excellent work showing how single women in their late twenties and early thirties are not “leftover” in any sense, which I won’t go into here, except to say that if you think there is a crisis of “leftover” women in a country with such a huge gender disparity as China’s, then you are an idiot.
Lin’s story does kind of make me sad however, since apparently the only positive she can see for having a boyfriend is to stop those fucking bitches at the office whispering about her behind her back. Her mention of “betrayal” suggests that this is a woman unlucky in her personal relationships and that she thinks sex necessarily leads to pregnancy suggests a reason why.
Lin goes on to list her three (!) GBFs, which is mostly too depressing to make fun of.
I share GBF No.2, Ennis, with another Chinese woman in her 30s. Honestly, gay or straight, we women just enjoy the presence of a well-built man.
You enjoy the presence of a well-built man because you need to get fucking laid.
I know, I know. I have gone too far. I spend more time at gay bars than regular bars. I meet my gay boyfriends more often than my straight friends. I surround myself too much with my gorgeous GBFs that I have little time or interaction with straight guys. What can I say? We are leftover women. We have “magically become undesirable at 30.”
You know why you feel undesirable Tiara Lin? It’s not because you’re 30, it’s because you spend all your fucking time at gay bars hanging out men who aren’t attracted to women.