We reported on McDonald’s introduction of special new rice dishes in outlets across China this month but have yet to try them ourselves (Shanghaiist’s Food Editor Ben Cost felt that his time could be better spent sampling more obscure dishes and I only go to McDonald’s for one thing, and it definitely isn’t rice).
We defer then to the expertise of Valentina Luo at That’s Beijing as to the culinary worthiness of the American fast food giant’s attempt at cooking with the Chinese staple.
If you take a look inside the Rice Fun Wrap (and if you do, a warning: the whole thing will fall apart instantly and irrevocably), it looks like a vegetarian hand-roll with a slice of chicken someone accidentally dropped in the kitchen. “What shall we do with this chicken I dropped, boss?” “That’s our new Chinese menu, son.”
The salad, unseasoned and unsauced, wasn’t much fun either (it’s not the kind of wrap in the world these vegetables want to be part of, let’s face it). The rice, fried to a brown and even drier than the lettuce leaves, was produced in the northeast city Harbin – this is as claimed by CEO Chan, personally. Due to the latest cadmium rice scandal in Hunan, OK. Maybe he hasn’t heard of the shitty-ass rice scandal that’s clearly being covered up in Heilongjiang.
I wouldn’t have any idea if he’s telling the truth or not, though, because the grains looked as if someone had spilled the soy sauce bottle and just left the patties to burn in it till they sizzled. I had the bitter-salty taste in my mouth hours afterwards, even though I only took two bites before I threw the thing.
Luo ends her scathing review with this fantastic kicker:
Seriously, McDonald’s, 2,000 years of gastronomic genius and this is how you treat my country’s ancient cuisine? Next time CCTV tries to shake you down, I’m actually going to take their side: that’s what you’ve done to me, my culinary heritage and my goddamn dinner plans.