Over 20 sparrows turned up dead in Yichang near a large mound of rice that had been spilled by dock workers loading a cargo ship. As tests of the rice yielded no traces of harmful chemicals, ‘experts’ deduced that the birds had exploded after gobbling it up too fast.
Authorities were tipped off by a Yichang City resident who called to report the mass sparrow die-off near a rice-bearing cargo ship that was scheduled to depart for Chongqing the next day. Flocks of sparrows had reportedly been pecking up a rice spill, and dying immediately after. However, toxicology reports revealed that none of the four kinds of rice found at the scene harbored any hazardous chemicals, an anomaly in a place where rice contains more metals than the Periodic Table. So the obvious conclusion by the lab technicians was that the little chirpers ate too much too fast and “exploded.”
Inevitably, they were eviscerated by Netizens:
“All 20-some of them died from eating too much? Then how did a species like the sparrow manage to survive to this day?”
“Don’t use an expert’s intelligence to measure a sparrow’s intelligence.”
“Birds have “crops“, where the food they eat is first stored in a crop where it is softened and then enter the stomach. Therefore, no matter how much they eat, they won’t die from eating too much. Have you ever seen a chicken or duck dying from eating too much? When mammals eat, it goes directly into the stomach, and thus can die from eating too much [and bursting]. For example, humans.” [said a netizen who should clearly have the lab technician’s job.]
We sincerely hope these technicians don’t ever become doctors, lest they attribute a patient’s blindness to excessive masturbation or someone’s Bell’s Pallsy to making too many funny faces when they were little.
[Pic via hamletthemovie.blogspot.com]