With the three-day “airpocalyptic” red alert having ended yesterday at noon, CCTV has provided its viewership with some lovely illustrated tips on how to learn to stop worrying and live with the smog.
Tip No. 1: Avoid going outdoors at all cost. Even if you hold a degree in wizardry, you’re still not safe. This includes skipping down to the local Family Mart to stock up on necessities. People seem to have taken this one to heart, as online sales of air masks, purifiers, and condoms spiked during the two day shut-down. On Taobao, there were 606,031 searches for face masks from Nov. 30 to Dec. 6, an increase of 141%.
Tip No. 2: Avoid crowds. Wouldn’t it be awful to get stuck in a crowd and have everyone else breathing up all the good air? The Disease Control and Prevention Center of Beijing has warned sensitive groups to avoid breathing in stale air. Still, this just provides yet another opportunity for crafty entrepreneurs.
Tip No. 3: Wear a mask when you go outdoors, but just make sure it’s real. Also, make sure to wear it on your face.
Tip No. 4: Blow your nose and wipe down your skin after being outside- the smog really can get everywhere! Besides, smog skin is a beauty faux-pas. Plus, if you save all the smog residue up, after some time, you’ll have a nice brick.
Tip No. 5: Drink more tea, so much that you don’t even bother with cups anymore, for who has the time when you’re drinking so much? Smoke less (even when it’s not smoggy) and just say no to all those pushy neighbors who just want to shove cigs at you.
Tip No. 6: Avoid using high beams at night. This one is even endorsed by the crew of Cars. Could have used this information earlier.
If you are feeling a little under the smog, Beijing has set up a smog hot-line. Hospitals have already prepped themselves for an influx of patients with respiratory issues.
Don’t worry, be happy (hopefully there will be less smog tomorrow).
By Mary DeMay