Classically, Valentine’s Day is the cheesiest holiday of the year. The festival of love is said to have begun with the Romans who sacrificed animals and held a massive drunken feast to honour a she-wolf god Lupa. Well, haven’t things changed! We’ve rattled our brains and come up with a few ideas to help you avoid all the romance and cheese this Valentine’s weekend. Yes, you’re welcome.
♥ Eat burgers and get wasted
The Blarney Stone
The Blarney Stone Irish pub has only one thing to say on the subject of Valentine’s Day, “Love hurts… Feck that!” For all the ones, 111 RMB, satisfy your desires with a bacon cheeseburger, Carlsberg and a Jameson chaser.
NO COVER (Bacon cheese burger + Carlsberg + Jameson chaser = 111 RMB)
77 Yongkang Lu, near Xiangyang Lu // 永康路77号， 近襄阳路
New York Style Steak & Burger
Just say “Screw Valentines” to your waiter at New York Style Steak & Burger, and they’ll know what you mean. To mark the special occasion, all lonely hearts get a free Brooklyn brew with every burger.
11 AM – 10 PM
TIANZIFANG: (telephone) 6473-6070
Tianzifang, No.22, 155 JianGuo Zhong Lu, near Ruijin Lu // 田子坊, 建国中路155弄22号 近瑞金路
ARCH WALK: (telephone) 6260-0376
Level LG2, 533 Loushanguan Lu, near Maotai Lu // 娄山关路533号地下2层, 近茅台路
♥ Sacrifice yourself to satanic beings
Horror Cinema Escape Game @ MAO Livehouse
MAO Livehouse turns into a theatre of horror festered with bloodthirsty zombies, radioactive mutants and chainsaw madmen. Like the already established escape game in Shanghai (Mr. X), MAO challenges you to crack the death code and escape from its horror cinema.
98 RMB // 12 PM – 3PM, 3 PM – 6 PM, 6 PM – 8 PM, 8 PM – 10 PM (February 11 – 28)
3rd Floor, 308 South Chongqing Road, near Jianguo Road, Huangpu District // 黄浦区 重庆南路308号3楼（近建国中路）
♥ Get back to church
Valentine’s Day coincides with the first Sunday of the Lenten season, which marks the time Jesus spent in the wilderness. Special services will be held in churches across Shanghai this Sunday, but here are just two of them.
11am @ St Francis Xavier Church [CATHOLIC]
185 Dongjiadu Lu, by Zhongshan Nan Lu // 董家渡路185號，靠近中山南路
2pm & 4pm @ Shanghai Community Fellowship [PROTESTANT]
53 Hengshan Lu, by Wulumuqi Lu // 衡山路53號，靠近烏魯木齊路
♥ Laugh off your loneliness
Adam Skuse & Standup Comedy Open Mic @ Kung Fu Komedy
Master of Kung Fu Komedy, Andrew Curtain hosts a night with bedroom pilot, writer and standup comic Adam Skuse. Drew Fralick and Storm Xu join flying man Skuse in the KFK spotlight to perk us all up before a lonely Valentine’s Day.
Paul Johnson hosts the ever popular Standup Comedy Open Mic with free entry from 7 PM. If there’s something tickling you about the whole occasion and you want to help your fellow singletons see the funny-side then signup for a 5-minute slot in the Kung Fu Komedy spotlight, make sure you register at least 1-day in advance.
Adam Skuse: 50 RMB (advance) 70 RMB (door) // Saturday Feb 13, 8.45 PM
Standup Comedy Open Mic: FREE ENTRY // Sunday February 14, 7 PM
4F, 1 Xiangyang North Road, near Julu Road, Luwan district // 卢湾区襄阳北路1号4楼，近巨鹿路
Open Mic Night @ Shanghai Comedy Club
Join the greatest comedy minds in Shanghai and test out your newest jokes on the Shanghai Comedy Club stage. If you take a 5 minute slot on stage, whether you get rounds of applause or the infamous red light, the bar will reward you for trying with a free pint.
FREE ENTRY // 8.30 PM
5-6/F, 219 Jinxian Lu, near Shanxi Nan Lu // 进贤路221号5-6楼, 近陕西南路
♥ Meet new people and brush up on your Chinese
English-Mandarin Language Exchange @ Gala City
Language Exchange Shanghai hosts a Mandarin-English group at Gala City. Don’t be bored and alone, go make friends and practice your language skills with native speakers, and all free of charge.
NO COVER // 6.30 PM
2/F, Rm.221, 18 Xizang Middle Road, Huangpu district // 黄浦区西藏中路18号
♥ Find true love and get hitched Shanghai-style
Shanghai marriage market @ People’s Park
Your one stop marriage shop, if you can deal with old Shanghainese touting their grandkids then take a leaf out of Donnie’s book and check out People’s Park. If everything’s back to normal after Spring festival there should be plenty of old folks making deals to marry off their grandchildren.
FREE // 8 AM – LATE
75 Nanjing Xi Lu, near Huangpi Bei Lu // 人民公园 南京西路75号 近黄陂北路
♥ Adopt a pet on Saturday and hang out together
JAR animal adoption day @ Center Plaza (near Papas Bierstube)
Join Jaiya’s Animal Rescue and adopt a furry friend. Support the cause by giving one of JAR’s pets a foster home. JAR believes that every animal deserves to be safe, secure, healthy and in a loving home.
FREE // Saturday 13, 11 AM – 3 PM
3338 Hongmei Lu, Hongmei Pedestrian Street 22-24, near Yan’an Xi Lu // 虹梅路3338弄, 虹梅休闲街22-24号