Earlier today, Chinese President Xi Jinping kicked off the 19th Party Congress in Beijing with a marathon speech in monotone clocking in at an incredible 3 hours and 23 minutes, showing just how little can be said with so many words.
The wide-ranging address, which was aimed at initiating a “new era” in Chinese politics, was short on actual policy specifics and deadlines, but familiarly long on meaningless platitudes and jargon. Xi spoke about building China into a “great modern socialist country” by the mid-21st century, issued a warning to separatists who look to pull China apart and claimed that China’s socialist democracy is (somehow) the world’s “broadest, most genuine and most effective.”
Afterward, China’s official Xinhua news agency gave “Xi Jinping Thought” a snappy new name: “The Thought on Socialism with Chinese Characteristics for a New Era,” calling it a “long-term guide to action that the Party must adhere to and develop.”
As China’s leader droned on and on, foreign journalists were forced to take to Twitter to keep themselves entertained.

2012 Xi govt statement: "We should hold short meetings, make short speeches…"

2017 Xi: *I shall make Fidel's speeches feel like haikus*

— David Ramli (@Davidramli) October 18, 2017

#19thPartyCongress Bingo for those of you watching Xi Jinping's speech pic.twitter.com/hWbnxluTIR

— Eric Fish (@ericfish85) October 18, 2017

Xi Jinping just invoked Opium War in #19thPartyCongress opening speech. Drink! pic.twitter.com/u01DnK6e3b

— Eric Fish (@ericfish85) October 18, 2017

Unfortunately, many Chinese schoolchildren were less fortunate.

today in china. pic.twitter.com/jjdSEtz5xW

— xutianran (@stoa1984) October 18, 2017

We just hope there wasn’t a quiz afterward.

#ChinaPoll: Among the highlights of #XiJinping's report to the opening of #CPC's 19th National Congress, which one impresses you the most?

— China Xinhua News (@XHNews) October 18, 2017

Even those inside the Great Hall of the People struggled to stay focused.

I spy, Party Congress edition: how many sleeping people can you find in this photo? pic.twitter.com/lc3bSLqjoh

— Nathan VanderKlippe (@nvanderklippe) October 18, 2017

The star of the show turned out to be Jiang Zemin, who once again proved that he was not dead and remains incredibly photographable.

A summary of President Xi's speech this morning, brought to you by Jiang: pic.twitter.com/VjOD5ofHX1

— Rob Schmitz (@rob_schmitz) October 18, 2017

Jiang Zemin checked his watch 10 times in Xi speech before I lost count 00:45, 01:25, 01.35, 01:40, 01:43, 01:50, 01:55, 01:59, 02:10, 02:19 pic.twitter.com/sAbhC1U9TC

— Neil Connor (@neilaconnor) October 18, 2017

Distracted Boyfriend version of The 19th National Congress of CCP #jiangzemin #xijinping #attention pic.twitter.com/9d7MggdpYX

— Afra Wang (@afrazhaowang) October 18, 2017

Jiang Zemin is a news photographer's dream. pic.twitter.com/KVD6Eyezz5

— Joanna Chiu 趙淇欣 (@joannachiu) October 18, 2017

Jiang Zemin uses magnifying glass, checks watch, and face palm during #19thPartyCongress pic.twitter.com/xdrcybPt2I

— Yew Lun Tian 游润恬 (@YewLunTian) October 18, 2017

For those of you looking for same model of mag glass that Jiang Zemin is using, it’s German brand Schweizer Optik, for sale 200$ on Taobao pic.twitter.com/xE52kzREQ8

— Keith Zhai (@QiZHAI) October 18, 2017

A more exciting way to watch Xi’s address was on a YouTube broadcast from CCTV, which made the curious decision to keep the live chat feature enabled.

Live chat left on during CCTV YouTube broadcast of Xi's Congress speech has made for some interesting juxtapositions. (h/t @KangHexin) pic.twitter.com/GcaxiUGQVZ

— Simon Rabinovitch (@S_Rabinovitch) October 18, 2017

In the end, Xi managed to make it through the whole speech. Afterward, TV cameras captured what may have been the happiest moment of his life.

Xi done with marathon 3-plus hour speech, looks pretty pleased with himself pic.twitter.com/Xp9BManjd4

— Dexter Roberts (@dtiffroberts) October 18, 2017